Addicted to Love

Unanswered love is worse than starving – unlike the latter which kills you – slowly – the former drives you crazy – slowly – you can feel the mind (well the heart is a goner, already ) dissolving in the aqua regia of grief , of depression – you try to get over it – you try dissolving the aqua regia in alcohol ( you were bad at Chemistry ) – it reacts and gets worse – the stomach churns – eyes get watery – grief is precipitated – clear salty solution – such familiar taste – you land in a trance – nothing else that goes on around you matters – anymore – loud music – wild gyrations – its you and her, just.
Demons called self-consolation , self-pity rake in the opportunity – dance around you – around the altar – where you are being sacrificed- catlysing the regia-alcohol reaction.

Wild Dance – wild wild dance.

Its Her birthday today…

‘Man, you gotta get over it – this has been long’ – closed wounds never heal!!!
‘This too shalt pass’ – yes – time – never stays at a place – longer than a moment
Love remains …
For a lifetime.

Its like heroin addiction – except that you never feel it was wrong for you – totally ‘addicted to love’ – absolute madness – cannot give up – cannot give in – honor – grandeur.

And all a figment of imagination.

Hallucinatory drug –

Called Love, Denied

All other pains in the body are masked out

Or Inhibited
You release your grip
On Reality
is it hot or cold
early or late
Does Time matter
Does Money?

By the end of the day – you are in Devil’s grasp.
You realise – love is the privilege of the Smart
Not of the naive ,confused, absent-minded Me.
Cannot take care of The Self
Let alone others
You realise nobody would love you
Ever
You want to be done with Love’s distant second cousin
Lust – the more tangible one and the one available for sale
‘Do we get get any prostitutes – now?’
‘Come lets go’ – and you know like ever that
You won’t.
Nevertheless , feel like falling on the feet of those hostel-mates
I disdained once
They never mixed love and lust.
They never waited for the One
I Did …

I think self-destruction
‘Which is a better stimulant Cocaine or Heroin?’ ask I.
‘Cocaine’
Big words.

Small Me

Insignificant Me.

Guileless Me.

Gutless Me.

Two am
Deserted roads
Speedometer dial – Backlit
80 – 90 – 110
A little more push and instant death
Absolute Thrill – and then Instant Exit
Carpe Diem
All the past life

Unlived
Live in this single moment
The Last One
So promising –

So easy –
Gentle push on the
Throttle – Valve to Life

Valve to happiness
wind beating into face

And then (once again)
I think of mother
She’ll die of grief
‘I shalt live’
‘I shalt write’
Live to Write

Wanted to

Live to Love

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